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1. 

   angel

   103 Points

   10/24/08

   I don't know if you got my comment. I just read your replies in site. I am glad for you that you got rid of a "negative" ex and you said how you wanted to help at first and then it brought you down...what you said about enhancing happiness was true. I got rid of plenty along the way because they weren't good for me either. This guy is great for me, everyone sees how much MORE happy I am. I'm letting him know that I want his imput and working as a couple again with him, and try to relate more with him as my best friend/love.
   I finally let him know that I don't want to drown in quicksand that his ex created...I won't let it. He is more understanding of my fears, because he feared her as well. Anyhow, we all see through people and her games won't work, only backfire on her with time.
   He loves my happy face and his brother's wife's sourpuss face is not a blessing...he said she was closed up and depressed (because "respect me or else",manipulation, not giving love/sex didn't get her what she wanted-man felt rejected), I promised to not be "scared by ex" to open up and will be forward with everything now...he said he'd have to watch punches! I told him that he knows I don't swing them!
   I liked what you wrote about your present boyfriend's love for folding laundry so perfectly! Any guy who followed army/navy has that talent and is better than girls at it. Ami as well has this talent. I just do the washes, give him his shirts to fold and iron. Ami once said do what I am best at and give what I can't do to others who do it better. So now I joke about it as well. Admire them for gifts/talents and work on rest together.
   I really wish you luck and would love to hear from you again and your progress.

   10/24/08

   Reply from rudyderunt:

   Hi Angela....
   Thank you so much for the kind comments. I've been watching your story unfold as well. I would very much like to keep in touch. For this reason, I leave you with my email address. Please DO NOT accept my comments because I believe it will post to your profile with my email address on it.
   
   I have come to the realization that men and women are very different creatures. We relate to the world and each other differently. I have always been an easy person to get along with but now I also respect what men like as well. Yes, I stroke his ego. Yes, I let him lead. I DO NOT consider this a step back for women kind. Instead I see it as the building blocks for strong foundation. In return I have a man who holds me up when I feel I'm falling apart. I gotta tell you Angela............this is an uncommon thing for me. I'm use to doing everything on my own (not asking or expecting help). It's very nice knowing I have Scott in my corner. It took me stepping outside of my comfort zone and letting him in.
   
   So Ami is from Israel? Wow....I'm sure you have some other barriers break through being from 2 different cultures in addition to the "Venus/Mars" barrier. If you guys are in love there is nothing wrong with making acceptable compromises.
   
   I must say your comment on "...condition on their love for me" really resonates with me. I use to think I could love unconditionally. Now I realize that is not love IS conditional. Conditions even apply to children. For instance, suppose I have a child who is negatively affecting the spirit of any other children I may have (drugs, crimes, etc.). Although I may always love that child, I may still have to cut him/her out of my life to spare the well-being of the other children. It's the same thing with romantic relationships. I cannot love someone unconditionally. That persons must be very good to me to retain my love. In return I will honor that person with all of my heart and soul.
   
   Sherry
   Sherry.L.Collins@gmail.com
   

2. 

   angel

   103 Points

   10/24/08

   Hi. I hope that you are still seeing that nice guy. He sounds like my Ami. It seems that when a woman has so many worries and chores to do, she isn't perfect at some things as a man is. In Israel, men serve the army. Ami also irons his shirts well and folds them perfectly. I don't get to that level! Once he said, do what I do well and leave what I don't to others. So I do the wash and give him his shirts and he does ironing when he picks what he wants to wear!
   Also my fears were running the relationship because of his toxic ex. His kids are in real danger.
   The son doesn't even hug the mother anymore. Ami tried to keep kids on side of their mom as long as she is ok, but knows to protect them when she gets nuts and now he knows that it affects me very badly as well. But now I just fixed my problems and have great improvements with my daughters. It's good that they need a mom, but they need to respect my needs in life as well. That is my condition on their love for me.
   This really raised Ami's respect for me and we are closer now. He says it's nice to be with a Happy Woman and not sourpuss face wife like his brother faces. That woman's way is "respect me or else, playing hard to get, creating distance instead of closeness" and she is now depressed and everyone sees. She wasn't at family event and the brother is sad as well...not knowing how to deal with things. Ami acknowledge that my emails of panic are less and he hugs me much more, and I seem happier and more direct as before so he will have to watch out for my punches! I told him that he knows where punches come from and smiled! I will tell him tonite how I want for us to communicate as before because it make me feel so good.
   How happy I am to have him stand by me....
   I read your story about your ex and how his negativity affected you...so you relate well to what I say about Ami's ex and her bad effect. And how important it is to run from bad relationships and try to work out the real thing when it comes along. I gather you have no kids with your ex? Please keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. You seem very nice and deserve a new beginning and family.
   Angela
   
   
   
   

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